How do I talk to my mom about moving into a nursing facility?

My mom is becoming more feeble as she has macular degeneration and some cognitive decline. I've tried to talk to her about a nursing facility but she became so upset and cried. I know if I bring her home to my house we will argue. She is very stubborn and I really don't have a lot of space as I would have to move daughter's playroom to be used for my mom. She lives on social security that is extremely small so can't afford assisted living.


Senior Specialist

Having to talk to our parents about various senior care issues is difficult and depressing. But it could also be a great bonding opportunity for parent and child. As our parents grow frail, roles reverse where the child now has to take charge to do what's best for mom or dad. Take this as an... (more)

Having to talk to our parents about various senior care issues is difficult and depressing. But it could also be a great bonding opportunity for parent and child. As our parents grow frail, roles reverse where the child now has to take charge to do what's best for mom or dad. Take this as an opportunity to really connect with your mom and understand what she needs and wants. You mention your mom can be difficult, but no matter how difficult she can be, she needs you now more than ever.
 
Start by asking your mom what she wants, such as whether she prefers to age in home with family or is comfortable with an assisted living facility. Your mom could be upset for many reasons and the discussion of moving to a facility may not be the root cause of her anger. You really need to have that heart to heart conversation with her.

As for affording the cost of an assisted living facility, there are states that have Medicaid Waiver programs which provide assisted living subsidies for low income individuals. You need to contact your state's Medicaid program for details. Here's a link for Maryland: http://mhcc.maryland.gov/consumerinfo/longtermcare/caregiverresources.aspx

There are other options as well, but I do not have all the specifics to your situation. You can contact me directly for help. Good luck.
We at Care Giving Answers strive to provide helpful and relevant information to senior citizens and their families and... (more)We at Care Giving Answers strive to provide helpful and relevant information to senior citizens and their families and loved ones. The material provided through our site is made available for informational purposes only. In no way should users of our site rely or act upon any information provided herein without seeking appropriate professional advice (medical, legal or financial). Users should independently verify the accuracy, completeness and relevance for their specific purposes. The information provided through our site is not intended to constitute professional advice and in no way forms or constitutes a professional-client relationship of any kind.

Private Fiduciary, Trustee,Conservator, Financial Advisor

This is a hard situation, when Medicaid only pays for nursing homes and not a less restrictive assistant living community.  You are not expected to bring her into your home, as so many people want to "guilt trip" you with this argument.  You may not have the resources to help her, and could hurt her... (more)

This is a hard situation, when Medicaid only pays for nursing homes and not a less restrictive assistant living community.  You are not expected to bring her into your home, as so many people want to "guilt trip" you with this argument.  You may not have the resources to help her, and could hurt her trying to move her in with you.  

Contact your local agency on aging and see if there are any sliding scale or Medicaid paid home care and chore services.  This way she may be able to stay a little longer in her home.

We at Care Giving Answers strive to provide helpful and relevant information to senior citizens and their families and... (more)We at Care Giving Answers strive to provide helpful and relevant information to senior citizens and their families and loved ones. The material provided through our site is made available for informational purposes only. In no way should users of our site rely or act upon any information provided herein without seeking appropriate professional advice (medical, legal or financial). Users should independently verify the accuracy, completeness and relevance for their specific purposes. The information provided through our site is not intended to constitute professional advice and in no way forms or constitutes a professional-client relationship of any kind.